What will your new partner receive from what your previous relationship left inside you?
Or do you need someone to make what you’re feeling right now go away?
The loneliness.
The disappointment.
The hurt.
The sadness.
The feeling that you’re not important enough to someone.
Many people look for a new partner while they are still carrying the pain of their previous relationship.
Are you looking for a partner, or for someone you hope will finally make you feel better?
If you don’t feel good when you’re alone, it’s easy to expect the other person to always be there, to reassure you, validate you, and make you feel that you matter.
To tell you they love you.
That they desire you.
That they’re happy to be with you.
That you matter.
That they choose you.
Which of these things do you struggle to believe about yourself?
That you are valuable?
That you are lovable?
That it’s good to be with you?
That you are a wonderful person?
That someone can choose you?
Because if you can only believe these things when someone else confirms them, you will need proof again and again.
A message that doesn’t arrive can already make you doubt.
A tired evening can feel like distance.
If the other person needs some time alone, you may find yourself wondering: Do they still love me?
Then the relationship has to carry things that you need to learn to give yourself.
What you experienced in a previous relationship can follow you into the next one.
The disappointment.
The distrust.
The fear of being abandoned again.
The words that still hurt.
And suddenly, the new person finds themselves in a story whose first half they weren’t even there for.
But they have only just arrived.
And you could arrive too, without needing them to prove to you that you are lovable.
Because you are lovable.
You are valuable.
And you are a wonderful person even when no one is there to tell you so.
So, what do you want to bring into your next relationship?
The pain of your previous relationship?
Or yourself?
Dajbukát Ildikó
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