In spirituality, we often talk about free will. About how every soul walks its own path. That we cannot control another person or make decisions for them.
But when this becomes part of our own lives, accepting it suddenly becomes incredibly difficult.
Because it is one thing to say, "Everyone has the right to follow their own path," and quite another to live that truth when your own child's path leads away from you.
If we say that love is unconditional, then it must also include the other person's freedom. Not only when they choose what feels right to us.
For a parent, there may be no greater pain than watching their child turn away from them. That pain cannot be dismissed or denied. We can acknowledge it and have compassion for it without immediately looking for someone to blame.
There is also a perspective that says a child owes something to their parents. That a child has a duty to stay in contact. That they have no right to leave. Or that life will eventually "punish" them for doing so.
But then it is no longer about the child.
Do you know what I've been thinking about?
If I truly believe in free will, then I don't respect it only when my child chooses what I would have wanted. I must also respect it when their choice breaks my heart.
And that is incredibly difficult.
Because one of the most painful forms of love is realizing that I cannot hold on to the person I love.
To me, unconditional love does not mean agreeing with everything. It does not mean that it doesn't hurt.
It means not taking away another person's right to live their own life, even when I would have chosen very differently.
That is why I am cautious whenever a particular spiritual or therapeutic approach presents its own interpretation as an absolute truth.
What if the child left in order to survive emotionally? And what if the parent truly does not understand what happened and never intended to cause harm?
Both can be true at the same time.
Perhaps we do not always need to decide who is right. Sometimes two people stand facing one another, having lived through the very same story in completely different ways.
Our task is not to create rules about who "owes" what to whom, but to make sure that even in our deepest pain, we do not try to possess another human being.
In the mirror of mindful attention, we can recognize and gradually let go of everything that keeps us trapped and separated from one another.
With infinite love,
Dajbukát Ildikó
spiritenergy.hu
Photo: Pinterest
